dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
