The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
