Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
