How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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