Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you would pick up someone in the library
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
