After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
