I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
