A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
