His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
