what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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