We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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