he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You need Xanax blowdarts
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
