Your face is a jimmy john
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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