So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
