At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
