I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
