when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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