The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
