Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I could make wine with my vomit
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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