fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
