i was born a porn star she said
Its about making memories worth repressing
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
