Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
