so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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