Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
