I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
