we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
