Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
