id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
