So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
