this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
