There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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