My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
