He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
