when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
