why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
