Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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