I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
