one word: firstdatebathroomanal
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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