cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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