before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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