Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Randomize
