are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
