i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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