I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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