Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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