I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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