mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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