You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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