All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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