Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
