Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Randomize
