Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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