My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
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