You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
