yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
