I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
