Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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