man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
