The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
