Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
