oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
