I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize