why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
