btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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