do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
