Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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