There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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