well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
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And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
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She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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