Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
