They should really pass out barf bags in church
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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